Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
