sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
