i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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