then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
