my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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