I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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