haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
