My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
