Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
