he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
