i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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