That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
