im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize