I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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