Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize