Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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