i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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