I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
