just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
