I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
