He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
