I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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