I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
