I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
