I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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