Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
