I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
