He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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