Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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