But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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