There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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