You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
