dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
