Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
