I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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