Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
