to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
