PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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