i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
