what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
