sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
