Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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