You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
