oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
