I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have demons in me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
