you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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