Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
