Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
