i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
