batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
