Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
