What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
