she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
