New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
