She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
