i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
