Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize