apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
