So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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