Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
