i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize