she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
