Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
