Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
