Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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