In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
