i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
