I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
