i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
