How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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