The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
