turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
