And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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