hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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