'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
