they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
