the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
