when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have tasted many bathrooms
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
