two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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