i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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