one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
