1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
