The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
