it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
