I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A+ Viking dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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