Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
