Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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