i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i barfeds in our rink
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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