What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
