okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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