So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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