If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
