It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
