he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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