I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
