you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
