You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
