How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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