i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
