I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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