I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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