if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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