census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
