I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
