Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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