4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
