Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
