i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
