so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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