you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
