I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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