Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize